Who is
Miss Nobody? Yes, you are quite aware that it is me; but read between the
lines, what does it really state? A nobody means he or she is an outcast from
everyone and usually forgotten and mocked by society. But in Miss Nobodys
case, is there any difference? Keep on reading to find the answer to that
question.
Childhood. People say that
our childhood is fun, but, everyone knows that everything has their own
limitations. For me, childhood was okay; not great nor gloomy, there weren't
that much excitement or blissful moments that could make you go cloud nine. And
friends? Did I even have one? Literally, I have no friends that's a fact.
Making friends became a joke to me, especially after sixth grade. And starting
that day, trusting people became hard for me. Just having that verity that
you're or I'm afraid of trusting someone and let's add that I am a shy person
is equal to a timid person. Someone who may not reach realities expectations.
Let's start from how I became a feeble
person. Physically and mentally, I am somewhat useless. That's how I feel, that's
how everyone before tells me; I can tell it by looking at their gestures. But
what is the main cause of all of these negativity? It was back in sixth grade
where all of my 'so called' friends have been lying to me all along, betraying
me and the worst part leaving me alone in the pits of forlorness. Though I
didn't fight back, I didn't even mock them or backstabbed them. All I did?
I cried, day and night, whether I was in school or alone in the house. There
was only one concern person who stayed by my side and eased my easily torn
heart. I bet you now know that I'm a sensitive person. And yes, yes I'am. There
is no doubt about it.
Never have I experienced to be truly loved by a
friend. Not once have I felt the true meaning of friendship. At those times 'friends'
it was just a word use to express closeness between to beings. Because of this
I became more fragile, vulnerable and frail. I was afraid of almost everyone
and somewhat tried to bury to myself that I'll never make a single acquaintance
ever again. It was rather easy for a girl like me who suffered solidarity for a
couple of years. And the only enjoyment I had was glancing at nature and it's
components. I was also the one who adjusted just for them. Being known at
school as the daughter of the owner; one of the owners to be exact, was hard.
So I just kept myself afar from everyone and tried to be friendly. Though
all of those things led to suspicion. The act of being friendly to you're
teachers was sip sip for them. But I just ignored it. Some
persons are just so furious with me that they hide it, so when I make the
slightest mistake to them their anger just goes over the roof.
From all the experiences I have endured for the
past years I noticed that, I don't fully know myself. All I know is that I'm a
very weak and sensitive person that can easily be stepped on by anyone who is
stronger than me. And happiness, seemed to be miles away. My mouth wasn't
familiar with the words smile and laugh. Laughing wasn't really my thing, I
didn't actually know how to smile. Ask the people around me who usually takes
pictures of me. Frowning. Now that's my thing, almost everyday before I frown.
If I do smile it would only be a soft chuckle that only I can hear. And if I
smile, I fake it, making it look very awkward. But I have no choice, because we
are all aware that when someone smiles they are 'happy'. But, am I happy? No.
At those times, the only light for me was God. I
told Him, "God, I don't know where all of this is going but you know that
I surrender everything to You. It's all up to You, Lord." When I prayed for
that I wasn't quite sure how all of this help me in the future, but, the
strongest will I have was to trust God. So that's what I did.
 |
| This is me full of pain and despair, but never gives up. |
